Marching Orders

My wife Bayani likes me to order her around, and the more explicit and detailed my instructions, the better. Sometimes I just tell her things like ‘Suck it’ or ‘Bend over’, sometimes I give her more detailed instructions like ‘Go take your panties off then come in here and kneel down and beg me to let you suck it.’ She likes giving me oral, and really likes begging me to let her use her mouth to please me.

Learning to let myself do this was not easy. I had been taught to treat a woman with respect, and to order her to kneel down and suck your cock, well, that hardly seems respectful, does it? But she wants me to do that, she likes it, she gets off on it. So I respect her by giving her what she wants, by trusting that she will let me know when I go to far. Oddly enough, I do this from a place of love, I do this to increase the intimacy in our relationship, it is something I don’t share with many people.

Recently she has started asking permission to come. I think she got the idea from this BDSM erotica she read, where the Dom forbade his sub from orgasming for 24 hours as a sort of punishment. She likes the idea of my being that much in control. So I’ve started telling her to come sometimes, and at other times I tell her she can’t come till after I do. It has now gotten to the point where I can tell her to come, and as long as there is some sort of stimulation on her clit or in her pussy, she will. I have not yet tried to tell her to come when she is standing at the mirror putting on makeup, but some day I will. That will be pretty damn hot, if I can ever make her come just by using my voice.

She likes me to call her dirty names, ‘Slut’ and ‘Cocksucker’. ‘Whore’ is off limits, she does not like that one. She is fine being a slut, but not a whore. Ah, good, a limit. I can show her respect by not crossing that line, by respecting her limits.

Occasionally I will leave her some very detailed instructions, usually when I will be gone for the evening, instructions on how I want her dressed when I come home, how I want to be greeted at the door. I let her stew for a few hours thinking about it, getting all worked up. I tease her with the anticipation.

Last night I left her with such a set of instructions. The email I sent her can be found at the end of this post. I gave her some very detailed instructions on what she could wear, and those I will keep to myself. I told her what time to expect me, and I am a very punctual person, so she knew I would walk in the door at exactly the time I told her I would.

She had friends over while I was gone, to smoke hookah and read tarot. She had to kick them out to get ready for me. The kids were not co-operating, refusing to quiet down and go to sleep, so she sent a text requesting a 15 minute delay. I acknowledged the changed time table. I sent another text as I was leaving, letting her know she had exactly five minutes. I walked in the door to find her in full compliance and frustrated as all hell. My text arrived as I was getting naked. She didn’t know I had given her the extra 15 minutes, and had been in position trying to fight of orgasms for almost 20 minutes the poor thing.

It’s Not Vulgar, It’s Not Invasive, It’s Not Mouth Rape

I used to know a guy who refused to go down on his girlfriend, he claimed it was ‘sucking cock by proxy’. I asked him if he ever kissed her, and after a moment’s thought said ‘not any more’.

This same guy demanded blow jobs from his girlfriends as a right, as something they owed him. He loved to smack the back of their head just before he came, shoving them down further and forcing them to gag. He thought it was funny.

Guys like this, they’ve ruined it for the rest of us.

There are women who think sucking cock is ‘icky’ or ‘dirty’ and would never consider doing it. There are women who think it’s an act of male dominance tantamount to mouth-rape. And there are women who enjoy giving their partner pleasure.

My wife is one of the latter.

When I go down on a woman, I am enjoying giving them pleasure, as well as enjoying the act itself. Cunnilingus is pretty common now, it is considered one of the only sure fire ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Most of us do it, and nobody thinks anything of it. And if you won’t do it, then you are being an inconsiderate lover. But going down on a man? Ew, no thanks, don’t shove your phallus in my face.

I once met a woman at a party who had exactly the opposite opinion of the guy above. She totally dominated her husband(not in a BDSM way), and demanded cunnilingus every time they made love. She justified it as being the only way she could orgasm. She also refused to even consider taking his cock in her mouth. That was barbaric. Her opinion was that a man could get off simply by sticking his cock anywhere warm, moist and reasonably tight. His orgasm was accidental. Once she had hers, he could do what he needed to, she didn’t care.

These are, of course, extremes in opinion, and I do not wish to digress into a discussion on hypocritical views of sexuality. There are double standards in our society, unhealthy attitudes that need to change.

But I am talking about blow jobs.

I have written before about my wife and I using blow jobs as some sort of currency. Perhaps I should give you some context. We joke about it. I demand blow jobs for favors, or even for winning bets. She knows I am joking, and would never consent to performing fellatio if I ever truly demanded it. Sometimes she offers, sometimes I ask. Sometimes she turns me down.

When we first started having sex Bayani had no interest in performing oral sex on me. She didn’t demand I eat her out either. I was certainly happy to, and we quickly learned it was, like those magazines at the checkout line claimed, the easiest way to bring her to orgasm. Gradually she became more and more comfortable with me, and began to explore.

At first she would give it a few reluctant slurps, mostly because she felt it was expected of her. But I never asked, and I never demanded. So it became easier for her. She started sucking for longer periods, and eventually stopped being so hesitant. I still never asked her for it. This was just foreplay, something we did during sex, I never came in her mouth. Not once.

One day she realized she actually enjoyed giving me pleasure with her mouth. It turned her on. She did it a lot more frequently, and for longer periods, after that. And she got good at it. Really, really good at it. We still usually keep fellatio as part of our regular sex routine. We give each other pleasure, and that is just one of many ways she chooses to pleasure me. Chooses, that is the key word you need to understand.

After about six or seven years of marriage, I once jokingly asked her for a blow job for my birthday. I was not serious, and I certainly didn’t expect her to agree, she shocked the hell out of me when she did.

It was fucking incredible.

Here was a sexual act that was just for me. I didn’t have to do anything, didn’t have to make sure she came first, didn’t have to work all her erogenous zones in just the right order to get her aroused. It was just for me. All my attention was focused on what she was doing to me, and it was one of the most intense orgasms I have ever had. She did it to me, I didn’t rape her mouth, she was in control.

There are a lot of women who are proud of their technique, they think they suck the best cock in the world. In a way, they do. Blow jobs are a bit like hamburgers(insert obligatory dirty comment-if it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face), some are better than others, but in the end what matters is you get a hamburger. Just the fact that you are willing to do this for us is a huge turn on, but that does not mean you shouldn’t try to get better. Every cock is different, just like every clit likes to be touched or licked in a different way. Some men like to feel teeth grazing their skin, a reminder that it’s in your mouth. Other men like it deep, or sloppy, or hard and fast or slow and teasing. I happen to prefer no teeth, deep, sloppy and slow. Like all other sex acts, watch your partner’s reactions and do what he responds to. Don’t assume that just because you are willing to put your lips around he should be thankful. If you are not able to enjoy doing it, don’t. You are not obligated, you don’t owe it to him, don’t force yourself. He won’t enjoy it if you have that attitude.

I still only outright ask for one about once or twice a year. Infrequently enough that she is more than willing to agree. She offers slightly more often than that, usually when she is ‘unavailable’ due to being uncomfortably reminded she is not pregnant. Sometimes I turn her down, to save them for when I really feel I need it.

It’s not that she dislikes it, or that she perceives it as some sort of invasive domination on my part. The reason I don’t ask for more blow jobs is the fact that she likes doing it. It gets her hot. She wants to fuck after she sucks cock, and I don’t want to walk away and leave her horny.

So we joke about it. She asks if I wouldn’t mind if she stays out late for the third night that week, and I tell her ‘only if you give me a blow job when you get home’. She knows when I am joking, and when I am serious. I don’t smack her head down to make her gag, and I certainly don’t think I own rights to her mouth.

Now, I am not suggesting everybody should go out and suck a cock right now-although if that happened, I think the world would be a happier place. I am suggesting people stop a moment to think about their views on various sexual acts, fellatio to cunnilingus, bondage to anal sex. Not only are those acts not as repulsive as some of you might think, they don’t always have the social connotations you might think they do. Not everything is about dominance or power or violence or control.

Sometimes things just feel good.