Archive | almost humorous sex stories RSS feed for this section

Dogs Are Gross, or Some Stories Are Only Funny In Hindsight

16 Sep

I’ve never really known what the proper etiquette is to remove a condom after sex.

Do I just lay there and cuddle with it on? Do I jump up and run to the bathroom to remove it? Do I pull it off and set it on the nightstand to deal with later? Most of the time I run the bathroom, but from time to time I just remove the damn thing and set it on my dresser next to the bed to be disposed of momentarily. I guess I’m doing it right, because sometimes Bayani’s partners do the same. I know because several times I’ve come home to find a used condom on my dresser.

Not cool.

I’ve spoken to Bayani about it a couple times, and for the most part this is not a problem, but once or twice a year there’s a lapse. If this were her dresser I would not be nearly so grossed out, but it’s mine. Recently the offending article was piled up against a stack of recently folded clothes of mine. Really not cool. I have to rewash the entire stack now. I’ve done it myself once or twice, so I can’t get too angry, but always on MY dresser.

This story takes place over  year ago, and while I was rather upset at the time, in hindsight it’s pretty damn funny, after one such incident where I left a used condom on my dresser and Bayani had remarked on being unhappy about seeing it.

A couple days later, after another encounter requiring a condom; Bayani is in the kitchen, and I wander into the bedroom to see a condom on the floor. In front of the dog bed. The dog is looking rather ashamed, not making eye contact and such. Looks like the dog found a condom and licked it clean. Dammit, I left one out again! I quickly snatch it up before Bayani can see it. Then I see a second one, and snatch that up too, without thinking. Wait a minute…

Suddenly I see that that plastic bag kept on the back of the door knob for garbage has a hole in it, with yet another used condom hanging out, and I realize these are Beaux’s condoms that he has disposed of in the garbage bag.

I’m holding another man’s used condom.


I drop everything and run into the bathroom to furiously scrub my hands, screaming to my wife how we’re gona get rid of the dogs and if her stupid boyfriend needs to properly dispose of his condoms.

She was very apologetic, but the damage was done. My hand was tainted. I was going to have to chop it off. I can strap on a chainsaw to the stump, and be like my demon-zombie killing hero Ash Wiliams.

I can laugh at it now, of course. Actually, I was laughing at it back then, even as I washed my hands, it was just such a ridiculous situation I HAD to!


Too Many People In That Bed

17 Aug

Alright, the cat’s out of the bag, Kasini and I have finally, inevitably, given in to our lust and are now bumping uglies(though nothing about her is ugly and she will definitely protest my use of inevitable).

The first time with Kasini I did not have explicit permission from my wife to go all the way. Never mind that she had just days prior slept with another man for the first time, she wanted me to take baby steps(like I had requested of her). Feelings are not always logical, so I was willing to comply without belaboring the point. Besides, who was I to argue?

Kasini was joining my weekly Dungeons and Dragons group(the game, not a bondage dungeon), after which I was going to drive her home, and Bayani was off attending a ritual(Bayani always comes home so very horny after a ritual). I didn’t know what to expect with Kasini that night, I don’t know all her signals or moods. We did go out for dinner before the geek-fest, and she wore a very nice, very revealing top. She knows how much I like boobs in general, and hers in particular, wearing such a top is either a clear signal or malicious teasing. With her it was likely both. I did not know that we were going to go all the way, but I certainly hoped we would. Once my geeky friends left(thought they would never leave!), we started kissing. We decided to move to her house.

Bayani texted she was on her way home and was horny as hell. Now, we had already fucked twice that day, and I knew I didn’t have what it would take to ground my wife’s energies after a ritual, so I suggested she get hold of Abernethy or Fanny. Fanny came to the rescue and was more than happy to spend the next two or three hours ripping orgasms out of my wife.

Enough energy to pound Bayani for two hours? No. Enough to be enthusiastic about the first time with Kasini? Hell yes.

So there I was, kissing Kasini on her bed, wanting to go further, desperate to go further, but without explicit permission to do so. Kasini felt so nice and was doing all sorts of interesting and undeniable things with her lips and oh my god that bra was hot. Now, understand that I had actually turned my wife down to be there even though I had already made love to her twice that day. And she was off screwing another woman while I sat there full of anxiety that I was about to go too far, a woman I was also involved with and who could also possibly become jealous or insecure.

There were way too many people in that bedroom for my comfort, all demanding consideration.

Suddenly, magically, Bayani’s text giving me permission came through. Have you ever tried to answer a text while a beautiful woman is letting you take her bra off? Somehow I managed it without offending that beautiful woman. With a triumphant grin, I showed the text to her. I was very glad for her tendency to say quirky or inappropriate things and to laugh at the absurdity of sex. She laughed, and I laughed, and somebody reached for somebody and I don’t know what I did with my phone right then.

I didn’t hold back after that.

<Note: Yes, Kasini and I are now having sex. This will not change what we write about, or how we write. Kasini will still have her own relationships, and I will have mine. There is still plenty to write about, this blog will not just be the two of us bragging about what cute thing our new partner just did, though there will be some of that. A new relationship is a new relationship, and there are new learning opportunities to discuss.>

The Devil’s Threeway

24 Mar

Kasini was dropping something off the other day, and commented on my previous post about the party where we had discussed boundaries.  While it wasn’t as wild as the party Kasini attended, the perv factor was very high.  We are an open minded and diverse group, and discussed sex.  A lot.  I told Kasini how we not only discussed the Eiffel Tower, but invented a new term, the London Bridge.

She had no idea what I was talking about.

Continue reading

It’s a Small World After All

21 Feb

Myrddwn’s side of the story:

Early on in our new relationship(friendship, not romantic/sexual), Kasini and I were sitting in our coffee house getting to know each other and swapping stories.  It’s not that often you find another poly person to be friends with, and we were both reveling in the ability to talk about that part of our lives.

It was my turn, and I was listing my various adventures.  I hadn’t gotten very far yet, I was only on Threesome Number Two, with Babette(of the Nipple Ring Story).  Kasini was looking at me with that odd, narrow eyed expression she gets when she suspects something, or when I’m being an ass.   I forged ahead undaunted.  When I got to the end, telling about why and how Babette stopped seeing us, Kasini’s eyes went real wide and she exploded with a question.

Continue reading

A Nice Pair of One-Night-Stands

15 Feb

Finding Unicorns, it turns out, is relatively easy for us. It also turns out that not all Unicorns are created equal.

Between Carlotta and Fanny, there were Daphne and Esther. Both girls were one night stands, one by our choice, one by hers. There was an incident with a cat, some squirting, and dime bag of coke. Continue reading

I am such a Geek…

6 Feb

Short post today.

Bayani and I recently had our one year anniversary with our shared girl-friend Fanny.

We went out to eat at the very same sushi joint where we first met. Afterwards we got ice-cream, then went to a local Adult Lingerie and Toy store. We looked at corsets and fishnets and all sorts of other costumes. Things meant to be worn for about thirty seconds before they are torn off and flung into the corner to be ignored till morning.

Then we went into the back room. I love the back room. So many wonderful toys! We laughed at the ridiculousness of most of the products being offered, and Fanny finally decided on a small and non-threatening anal vibrator. Bayani and Fanny picked out a small sample packet of a clitoral stimulator, and remembering that we were low on condoms, I grabbed an extra. A glow in the dark one. Mostly as a joke. Fanny laughed at the idea, and Bayani expressed doubt.

So we came back home and peeled off our clothing like a pack of demented teenagers and leapt upon each other. When it came time to put on the condom, I did so and turned off the light.

Yup, a glowing green cock.

I couldn’t help it. I waved my penis about and made light-saber noises.

I am such a geek.

The Nipple Ring Story

12 Jan

It started with a turkey-sandwich moment. You know, when you have two girls in your bed and they are so busy going at it, that you could get up and make a turkey sandwich and they would never notice you were gone.

My wife Bayani and Girl Number Two, lets call her Babette, were busy pleasing each other while I watched, when the kid started to cry. Now, I could have jumped in again at any moment, but as this was Round Number Two, I didn’t mind relaxing a bit to watch the show. As I was the odd man out, quite literally, I got up to quiet the kid fully convinced they would not notice my absence.

Continue reading