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Dishonesty

10 Sep

She lied to me.

About sex.

Sort of. Mostly. It’s complicated.

Beaux is gone, and there are two new guys. Let’s call them Cassius and Cyrus. Cassius and his wife were friends of Beaux’s, and we met them at a party. As Bayani’s and Beaux’s relationship began to disintegrate,  Cassius began courting her. Cassius and his wife are part of a fairly open poly group that includes Cyrus.

I have issues with Cyrus. Not rational ones I will admit. The first time they met for coffee(just coffee, as friends, she said), Bayani came home with bruises on her lovely boobs from where Cyrus had grabbed them too hard. Dood, you didn’t even bother to discuss boundaries?  First time I met the fellow, he remarks about my three legged dog that women also call him ‘tripod’. Really? You’re asking to take my wife out and your crudely brag about the size of your dick? Nice bro. I don’t like the guy. Not like Cassius who is respectful and courteous.

Cyrus has a girlfriend, we’ll call her Cyrill. Bayani and Cyrus and Cyrill hang out from time to time. One morning after she got home late from a movie night with them, we were talking about how the two of them wanted a threesome with Bayani. Something about this conversation made me ask if she had made out with Cyrill. She admitted she had. Now, Bayani is a kisser. She loves to make out with people at parties and I am totally fine with that. I have, however asked that she inform me if there is ever making out that could lead to more, to sex or a relationship. And this time I had to ask, she didn’t share that little bit of information with me.

I might have been a little overly sensitive, and I even realized that at the time. No big deal, but I did ask that she please inform me if anything else like that is expected to happen, or happens. Random kissing is one thing, kissing that could lead somewhere I think I should be informed about.

About a week later I was on my way home from work. I was tired and cranky and not in the mood to socialize. Bayani could tell this from my rather explicit text letting her know I was on my way home. She told me Cyrus was over watching bad zombie flicks with her, and offered to send him on his way because I was so cranky. I accepted the offer. This is not something I would ever ask, but she offered.

As I drove down the street Cyrus’s car passed me. With two people seated inside.

Fuck.

Cyrus AND Cyrill? I walked in the house and Bayani was in the shower, something she does after sexual contact.

I was pissed.

I was fucking pissed.

I didn’t know there was sex, and she definitely didn’t tell me Cyrill was there.

I blew up at her.

Now, she immediately admitted to fooling around with the two of them in the bedroom, but that’s it. ‘Fooling’ around in this case was about 2nd base, maybe stealing 3rd a little I did not feel better about that. Sex or almost sex, there was a partner in there I was not told about.

She lied to me.

And a lie of omission is still a lie. She didn’t tell me about Cyrill because she knew I was sensitive about the whole threesome with other people idea and didn’t want to upset me. Not a great plan. She knows she did wrong, and we have since worked through it and trust has been completely restored.

I have since told her I am fine with her having a threesome with other people, I can deal with my own jealousies. More Envy, really. As in ‘You got to eat BBQ ribs? I wana eat BBQ ribs!’ 

The real significance of this event isn’t that she was dishonest, it is an opportunity to better communicate expectations about communication. What we expect to be informed on, and what does not need to be said. 

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Too Many People In That Bed

17 Aug

Alright, the cat’s out of the bag, Kasini and I have finally, inevitably, given in to our lust and are now bumping uglies(though nothing about her is ugly and she will definitely protest my use of inevitable).

The first time with Kasini I did not have explicit permission from my wife to go all the way. Never mind that she had just days prior slept with another man for the first time, she wanted me to take baby steps(like I had requested of her). Feelings are not always logical, so I was willing to comply without belaboring the point. Besides, who was I to argue?

Kasini was joining my weekly Dungeons and Dragons group(the game, not a bondage dungeon), after which I was going to drive her home, and Bayani was off attending a ritual(Bayani always comes home so very horny after a ritual). I didn’t know what to expect with Kasini that night, I don’t know all her signals or moods. We did go out for dinner before the geek-fest, and she wore a very nice, very revealing top. She knows how much I like boobs in general, and hers in particular, wearing such a top is either a clear signal or malicious teasing. With her it was likely both. I did not know that we were going to go all the way, but I certainly hoped we would. Once my geeky friends left(thought they would never leave!), we started kissing. We decided to move to her house.

Bayani texted she was on her way home and was horny as hell. Now, we had already fucked twice that day, and I knew I didn’t have what it would take to ground my wife’s energies after a ritual, so I suggested she get hold of Abernethy or Fanny. Fanny came to the rescue and was more than happy to spend the next two or three hours ripping orgasms out of my wife.

Enough energy to pound Bayani for two hours? No. Enough to be enthusiastic about the first time with Kasini? Hell yes.

So there I was, kissing Kasini on her bed, wanting to go further, desperate to go further, but without explicit permission to do so. Kasini felt so nice and was doing all sorts of interesting and undeniable things with her lips and oh my god that bra was hot. Now, understand that I had actually turned my wife down to be there even though I had already made love to her twice that day. And she was off screwing another woman while I sat there full of anxiety that I was about to go too far, a woman I was also involved with and who could also possibly become jealous or insecure.

There were way too many people in that bedroom for my comfort, all demanding consideration.

Suddenly, magically, Bayani’s text giving me permission came through. Have you ever tried to answer a text while a beautiful woman is letting you take her bra off? Somehow I managed it without offending that beautiful woman. With a triumphant grin, I showed the text to her. I was very glad for her tendency to say quirky or inappropriate things and to laugh at the absurdity of sex. She laughed, and I laughed, and somebody reached for somebody and I don’t know what I did with my phone right then.

I didn’t hold back after that.

<Note: Yes, Kasini and I are now having sex. This will not change what we write about, or how we write. Kasini will still have her own relationships, and I will have mine. There is still plenty to write about, this blog will not just be the two of us bragging about what cute thing our new partner just did, though there will be some of that. A new relationship is a new relationship, and there are new learning opportunities to discuss.>