He’s Touching Her Leg! Oh My Gawd He’s Touching Her Leg!

1 Nov

A while ago I attended my first party with Bayani’s poly party friends. For the most part I had a good time, but there was one incident that stuck in mind ever since. Bayani had wandered off to have fun, and after a good conversation with a few pretty, busty girls, I went in search of my wife. I found her on some dude’s lap, with his hand on bare thigh.

I did not like that, not at all. My reaction was ‘Dude, you don’t know my fucking limits, you don’t know if I’m ok with that or not, what they hell?’ Well, that was ll in my head. I said some pleasantries, and then went looking for someone I knew to chat with.

I knew that was not a healthy reaction, and so it lingered, nagging at me. How comfortable should I be with shows of affection like that? Is it ok to not be comfortable with other men touching my wife? Does it matter if it’s some random guy, or if it’s a serious boyfriend? Bayani knew I did not like seeing that, and so had agreed to keep such affection out of my line of sight.

This was something I knew I was going to have to confront sooner or later. I realized quickly that while this dude did not know what my limits were, he did know what HER limits were, and he was not crossing them. I trust Bayani, and know that she will not let anyone cross the line. I needed to shift my perception to that instead.

Dante had a similar reaction the first time Bayani and I had him and Lylith over. He did not like me showing affection for his wife, my girlfriend, in front of him. They decided that was off limits, that when the four of us were together it had to be married couple with married couple, no cross affection. Ok, I can handle that, as I did not really want to see him touching Bayani either. I was not yet ready to confront that. I was not yet ready to admit that I was , that my reaction was possessive and unhealthy.

At some point Dante decided he was ok with such shows of affection, and the next time we were all together for a game day his hand was all over Bayani’s leg. He failed to tell me about this change in the rules, and I had been resisting the urge to caress his wife, who was sitting so deliciously close to me.

Dude, you’re practically groping my wife right in front of me, and I have to keep my hands to myself?

I casually mentioned to him that I don’t care for excessive displays of affection, in a calm and reasonable manner, and he agreed to keep it to a minimum.

But I wondered at that reaction once again. Was I over-reacting, or was that reasonable?

And coming up in the next week or two was another poly party, where I knew I would see hands all over my wife. A Halloween party, and Bayani so loves to dress sexy, so there would be a lot of her skin showing. She asked me if I wanted her to behave, and I told her ‘no’, that I needed to have my comfort level tested. We did set some limits for both of us: kissing or making out was permissible, tops could come off, hands on boobs was fine, hands on legs, even hands on ass, but hands on inner thigh or on crotch was not. Pants/underwear were to stay on. These rules applied to me as well. I actually anticipated lots of attention from a few of the poly women I knew, and maybe a stranger or two; and these were all limits I would impose upon myself anyway, things I would not dare do.

And so I had an opportunity to test myself, to see how I really felt once I stepped back from my initial reaction, stopped trying to justify it, and realized that Bayani knew these people and knew they would trust limits she had already set.

And you know what?

I was fine. Not one single jealous, possessive, or negative reaction at all.

Furthermore, at another party I had not planned on attending the night before this poly party, Bayani, Dante, and Lylith were all snuggled on the couch, being rather familiar(I believe Bayani was on Dante’s lap at the time), and I still had zero negative reactions.

All that worrying over nothing. Once again, once I managed to just let go and stop trying to control things I felt much, much better.

 

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