It’s Been a While… or How Many Women Can I Cram Into One Post

It’s been a while since I have written on here.

Not that Things haven’t happened, they have. And then Things ended, Things changed, and now there are new Things. Nothing too dramatic, which is perhaps part of why I’ve not written, there’s not been any terribly exciting event to write about, no singular drama to craft a post around. It’s also hard to write about things when your girlfriends read your blog. I never know how flattering to be, how honest; and just being aware of their reactions could color my writing.

But it’s time I think for an update. And my wife and I have pushed past one of the major limits we had, so that deserves to be addressed.

Lylith dumped me. And so did Nanette.

Oh, I’ve not mentioned Nanette yet? I’ll get to that. Meredith, too.

Meredith lives out of state, and we’ve been talking online for well over two years, and last summer she had the opportunity to fly out here to see me. It was awesome. I flew out to see her in February too, which allowed Bayani and I to push past our No Spending the Night rule. More on that in a moment, I need to get ya’all caught up.

Lylith did not react well to my taking a new partner in Meredith. And especially with Nanette.. My adding other partners never sat well with her. To her credit, she never asked me to stop. But she did not like it one bit. She also had some troubles with my being a Dom. She tried playing sub for me once, but I think perhaps it was a bit too intense for her. My work schedule did not allow me to spend the amount of time with her she wanted, she did feel she was a big enough priority to her. She also wanted me to be be besties with Dante, and I just wasn’t inclined. He’s a nice enough guy, but not really someone I wanted to be close friends with. That bugged her. She was also depressed at that time. And finally, I believe Dante was still a bit threatened by me, which caused tension in their marriage. And so one day, she dumped me. No one saw it coming, even Dante.

And so I lost a really, really great girlfriend. Each one has taught me something, and Lylith taught me that I can’t control everything. I had this awesome girlfriend I really cared about, who was just an awesome person, one I could be best friends with, and yet it just didn’t work out. There was no one single preventable reason for the breakup, and that’s what I have to accept: that there wasn’t something to fix, nothing to do differently. Even if I had not met Nanette, or was better friends with Dante, it still would not have lasted.

Nanette, right. I’ve not talked about her yet. I will in a separate post, as that was a whole new experience for me, having a relationship entirely based on BDSM.

But Meredith and spending the night, that is the big change that needs to be talked about. That was a hard limit for me, the one intimacy I wanted to keep just to myself. I’ve been with Bayani for 22 years, 18 of those living together, 17 married. And every night when I curl up with her I cherish that I get to put my arm around her, that she and I share a bed. And I wanted that all to myself. Now, her spending the night was off limits, in another man’s bed; but camping was permissible, as was staying in a hotel. Neither of those threatened my cherished intimacy. But staying with Meredith taught me an important lesson, one I’d already learned with other behaviors, that an intimacy shared with others in no way degrades an intimacy shared with my wife. I can have sex with other women and that does not lessen the sex I enjoy with my wife. And so while I cherished my time sleeping next to Meredith, it was not the same as sleeping next to my wife. I could not be, not after two decades.

A short while ago Bayani stayed the night at Cassius’s, while Octavia spent the night here with me. Oh yes, Octavia . I forgot about her. See? this is what happens when I don’t write for months at a time! A mutual friend of ours, let’s call her Cleopatra, got together with Bayani, and the two of them set me up with Cleopatra’s girlfriend Octavia . Octavia  had just lost her Dom/boyfriend, and it was thought we would get along famously.

We do.

Oh, and since I am cramming as many women into this post as I can, there is also Paige. Paige and I met over a year ago, and I quite liked her, but she sort of just disappeared before we could do anything. She recently contacted me again, and we’ve since started hanging out. And fucking. Nothing romantic, not the same connection I have with Octavia; we just think the other is a really cool human being, and we like to drink Scotch and smoke cigars, talk about art and idiots, and get naked together.

So that’s about it, that sums up the last few months. A lot of little changes, some heart ache, some boundary pushing, but no really big dramas to recount.