The Inevitable Breakup, or Losing a Girl to a Monogamous Man

13 Sep

Isadora is gone.

I has a sad.

I knew it was coming though, she wanted a Primary of her own I simply could not offer her that, and she found a man who could. I’m truly happy for her, even if I miss her boobs, and we are still friends(though without the imperative of sex it’s hard to find time to get together). Most difficult is the fact that she reads this blog. *waves* Hello Isadora! I finally got around to writing about you. I write about drama, and you have provided me with so little of that I almost have nothing to write about.

I came to care for Isadora as much as or more as I do Fanny, and between the two of them I have had some wonderful polyamorous experiences. I have seen how good things can really be, how fulfilling this lifestyle can be.  I have learned as much about myself from them as I have from Bayani’s partners. The two of them are the only women other than Bayani that I have been able to, wanted to, say the L word to. Bayani says that as easily as she makes out with strangers at a party. To her it can have layers of meaning. I had to learn that saying ‘I love you’ to a woman does not have to mean the same thing as when I say it to Bayani. Fanny and Isadora taught me that. They won’t be the last ones I say it to surely, though I don’t say it easily.

When I first met Isadora she was not looking for anything serious and thought I was perfect for her needs. She was in the process of getting divorced and serious was the last thing she wanted. That was two years ago. Along the way she began to realize she wanted more. Not necessarily from me, though having me in her life as a Secondary may have made her realize how badly she missed having a Primary.

Then she met this other fella. A monogamous man who was not the least bit interested in polyamory. He knew about me and my situation and my relationship with Isadora, and accepted it for a while. But once the two of them became sexually active he assumed she stopped sleeping with me and she allowed him to maintain that assumption.  I was unaware of that fact.

As the two of them began to spend more and more time together, I could feel the end approaching. When it came, I was prepared. Sad, but prepared. She didn’t want to lie to him anymore, which I understand.

So she’s gone.

I cannot help but think that had she been honest with this guy from the start, told him she was still sexually active with me, that maybe, just maybe, he would be accepting of it and would allow it to continue. But that is nothing more than wishful thinking, I know that.

Isadora, I really do wish you well and am happy for you, as much as I miss your spectacular boobs….



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