Vocalizations

29 Aug

I recently compared myself to a tortoise.

Plodding along, oblivious to raging storms and howling winds and chattering magpies, I just keep doing my own thing, not letting the world affect me. There is something admirably zen about tortoises, and I liked the comparison. I was even about to type out a tortoise vocalization to enforce this cool analogy.

My fingers froze over the keys.

Tortoises don’t make noises.

This was even more fitting than I had thought, because neither do I.

I am talking about fuck-noises of course. Grunts, groans, sighs and moans. I absolutely love it when my partners make noise. The noisier they are the better. Especially when they are trying not to be. We have kids, and both my wife Bayani and our Unicorn Fanny don’t want to make too much noise, out of fear of waking them. I take that as a challenge, and I try my damndest to make them scream or swear or moan, despite trying to hold back.

Like a badge, a medal, a trophy of accomplishment.

And for some reason, I don’t make noise. Never have. I’m not entirely certain why this is.

Maybe it goes back to when I first started masturbating at about age 12. Was that early? I don’t know. But I knew it wasn’t something you shared with your family, something you had to hide.

So I hid it.

For years, every sexual experience I had was devoid of noise. Noises would have given me away. I should point out my parents never actually made me feel guilty about masturbating, this was just a perceived cultural taboo(my mother actually offered to by me porn mags, rather than risk me trying to steal them-awkward!). But that is another post.

I lost my cherry to Bayani, at about age 19. In her living room, while her mother was at work. I had no idea what I was doing. Insert tab A into slot B, that was about all I knew. I didn’t know if I should, or should not, make noise. The next couple times were in her mother’s bed, also while she was at work. It felt sneaky, forbidden. It was something we had to hide. Maybe that was why I was quiet, I was being sneaky. Ninja sex.

So I never learned to grunt or groan, to growl or moan.

Then I rented room from an uncle. One time, after Bayani was particularly vocal, he applauded her as she left. That was the end of her being noisy. For the next ten years, neither of us made a sound.

Bit by bit, she began to relax and make noises again. But not me. I was so set in my ways, that to groan or grunt would take additional mental effort, effort I would much rather put into enjoying what she was doing with her fingers or tongue or other parts.

I want to make noises, don’t get me wrong. I want to cut loose with a great big grunt or growl or shout when I come. I want to moan and gasp when my partner’s tongue hits just the right spot. But that takes effort. Bit by bit I am learning.

I am letting myself growl and grunt and moan, and each time I make a little bit more noise. I really don’t know what is holding me back at this point. Habit maybe. Each time I vocalize I enjoy it a bit more, and each time it gets louder. It’s a feedback loop of sexual pleasure and noise. The more I growl and grunt, the more I enjoy it, and the easier it is to growl and grunt.

I can talk during sex just fine; grunting and talking dirty are not the same. Although learning to talk dirty is a whole separate skill, and a topic that deserves it’s own post.

My lovers encourage me to make noise, of course. Bayani wants me to make more noise, so does Fanny. Kasini and I are still figuring each other out, learning each other’s responses. And with each new partner I find I can cut loose a little bit more. It’s fitting that I used the tortoise analogy with Kasini, in response to her Magpie Woman identity. Kasini once mumbled that she likes my growl. I wasn’t even aware I was growling at her in that moment. I was rather proud, I had vocalizes without thinking about it, without trying, without calculating. I let go and growled.

If you ever see a tortoise howling at the moon, that’s me, finally cutting loose.

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5 Responses to “Vocalizations”

  1. Kasini August 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

    I do NOT mumble. I murmur…

    Now, I’m pretty quiet when I masturbate. Although lately I’ve been finding myself making noise there more and more. It may be that living alone, without a lover, only masturbating when my kids are at their other mom’s house for the night, not having to worry about anyone hearing me, is letting me loosen up there.

    For me, making noise goes beyond conscious thought. i have to concentrate NOT to make noise. But, yes, it wasn’t always so. I think of it like a sphincter you have to relax to let the sounds out. At first it took consciousness to relax that enough to let the sounds flow and now it’s just the way it is. When I’m making noise that path of resistance (must.not.attract. attention) is cleared and it helps the pleasure and presence move fuller and faster. On the other hand, when I’m being compelled to be quiet for some reason it can make things more intense — like kinking a hose to increase water pressure.

  2. Myrddwn August 29, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    Yeah, once I push through enough to get there, once it no longer takes conscious effort, I am sure it will be much more enjoyable.
    I will get there, eventually. Bayani is helping me along, encouraging me.

  3. Marisa Black, pka Dee Greene August 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    I love noisy sex. http://darkgreeny.com/2010/05/03/operation-touch-my-clit/

    Interesting stuff in the book Sex at Dawn about vocalizations, their rarity among men, their commonality among women, and why. It’s a great book.

    Vocal-on.

    • Kasini August 30, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

      Interestingly, Myrddwn just read Sex at Dawn and lent it to me so I could read it. He’s going to write a review of it after I give the book back to him. I like noisy sex, too. But then, er, I’d have to. 😉

      • Myrddwn August 31, 2011 at 8:21 am #

        Female Copulatory Vocalizations, they called them. Serve a biological purpose amongst promiscuous primates. They serve to arouse other males withing earshot, who then hopefully mate with the female as well.
        But I will save that for the book review.

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