Communication Breakdown

6 May

Bayani and I have this friend, two of em actually, a couple. They don’t communicate very well, and I honestly don’t foresee the relationship lasting very much longer.

Communicating comes easily for Bayani and I. Hell, I’m a writer, so communicating comes naturally; and Bayani, well, she is just awesome in every way possible.

But these two friends, as much as I love them both, they are doomed. Watching their relationship, has had me thinking about communication recently, and how Bayani and I go about it.

Everybody says that good communication is key to a healthy relationship. Communication and sex. Ok, sex is key, and the communication just fills up the time when you are not having sex.

But it really is important. You can do all the self-analyzation in the world, and it will do you know good if you can’t communicate your needs and emotions to you partner. And the sex wont be as good either, if you can’t tell them not to do that thing with their tongue any more. It just feels weird.

Like most couples, Bayani and I did that cutsy thing where we promised each other we would never go to bed angry, and we would tell each other everything. And we have.

We recently celebrated our 14th anniversary. We have been together since high-school. We date other people(and had Fanny over again last night for kinky three-way fun). And we have never had a fight.

Ever.

No, really. Not one fight. Oh, we’ve come close. We have been irritated with each other. And there was this one time we both got really mad near each other and angrily agreed about the bills.

‘But we have to pay the mortgage!’

‘I know, but we can’t pay the mortgage!’

‘I know we have no money in the bank, but we have to pay the mortgage!’

And so on.

But no fights. Ever. It’s not like we avoid them, pretend we’re not mad or hurt or jealous or whatever. We talk about things rather than fight about them.

And we have never gone to bed angry. We are that sicky sweet adorable couple everybody hates and envies.

And it comes down to communication(and really good sex).

Any time some little thing first begins to irritate one of us, we speak of it right then. Let’s say Bayani has gotten in the habit of not clearing soda cans off her side table, I tell her it bothers me rather than just sighing and cleaning it up, storing the annoyance with all the other tiny little irritations until the pressure builds to the point of exploding.

Timing is everything in communicating well. It does no good to tell your partner not to do that thing with their tongue when they are licking envelopes, and it definitely does no good to bring up some minor irritation while things are tense.

This is where my friends go wrong. Let’s call them Ozzie and Harriet, ’cause that’s funny.

Ozzie doesn’t communicate well, and Harriet won’t communicate at all. Ozzie is very good at complaining to his friends(Bayani and I) about Harriet, but he won’t talk to her. Harriet, well, she just bottles it up inside until something Ozzie does triggers a release of all that pent up anger and she explodes. She yells a lot. And once the yelling starts, begins recounting every tiny little wrong that Ozzie has ever committed, real or imagined.

They always work things out after a fight, and bit by bit they are learning to live with one another, learning what the other one needs and what not to do. Tension waxes and wanes, sometimes they are awesome together, sometimes not. Sometimes they seem happy and in love, and sometimes only one of them comes to a party.

There are easier ways to go about life, I think. But schools don’t teach personal communication, or how it’s not healthy to bottle up stress and irritation. We are left to learn from the example of our parents, or by blindly finding our way, groping about in the dark. Not that my way is the only way, or even the best.

Ok, I’m a cocky fucker and I think my way is the best.

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