Sublime Gooey Goodness

18 Feb

Few things in life can compare with the sheer overwhelming physical, and often emotional, joy of a threesome.

The sound my daughters make when I tickle them.  That first deep breath you take when you get out of the truck after finally arriving at the campsite.  A really, really good grilled cheese sandwich.

I would like to take a moment to diverge from our usual discussion of kink and sexual identity to talk about the sublime gooey goodness of a a really good grilled cheese sandwich.    Don’t worry, I will soon be back to regaling, or possibly disgusting, you all with tales of my adventures.  Or maybe I will bring up politics, you never know.

Few people, in my opinion, give the grilled cheese the respect it deserves.  They relegate it to I-don’t-feel-like-cooking-tonight-so-I’ll-just-make-grilled-cheese instead of the God of Comfort Food it really is.  I admit, sometimes I do this too.  And why not?  It’s so easy to just heat up a pan, wipe some butter at a few slices of bread and slap on a thin slice of cheddar, or -shudder- a slice of American cheese.  Ok, I must also admit to keeping American singles in our fridge.  For two reasons only: snacks for the kids and lets be honest, American does melt so nicely on breakfast sandwiches, which I make often.  There, I admitted it.  Move on.  There is nothing to see here.

There are grilled cheese and there are Grilled Cheese; one is simple comfort food, the other is an orgasm for your mouth.  The first thing to remember about making a Grilled Cheese, is to respect the ingredients.  Do not compromise.  Do not settle.  Insist on only the best, or you end up with a sloppily thrown together, bland and limp cheese sandwich.

Next, there are three components to a properly orgasmic Grilled Cheese:  Lube, Bread and Filling.  Each of these are easy to dismiss.  Don’t.  Let’s start with bread, which is the foundation of a good Grilled Cheese.  Do not use regular sandwich bread.  Anything else will do.  The better the bread, the better the end result.  French bread, Challah, multi-grain and especially Rye all make great Grilled Cheese bread.  Left over hoagie rolls work especially well(ever had a Cuban sandwich?).

Lubrication.  There is always time for lubrication.  Sure, you can get by with some of that whipped vegetable oil crap that pretends to be butter, but why?  let’s be honest, butter is better.  This outer coating of the sandwich will be the first thing to touch your tongue, so why not maximize the impact?  If you must use tubbed butter, you can up the flavor ante by mixing in an equal part mayonnaise, which will add some wonderful crunch.  If you have real butter, use that.  Once again, why not up the flavor impact?  Sprinkle the butter with parmesan cheese and paprika.  Another trick I sometimes us is to saute some minced garlic in olive oil, then brush the bread with the oil before grilling.

We cannot ignore the cooking vessel.  You don’t need an expensive panini press to make a great Grilled Cheese.  A nice thick cast-iron is best, or a sturdy griddle pan.  Please show the sandwich respect and cook it in an appropriate vessel, a cheep non-stick skillet will not give you nearly the same results as a good cast-iron pan.  And don’t crank up the head to ‘charcoal’.   Medium to med-high only.  Another trick is to place two cast-iron pans in a 300 degree oven for twenty to thirty minutes. Prepare the sandwiches while the pans heat.  Remove from oven and place the sandwiches in the larger pan with the smaller on top.  This will give you a wonderful crust and will squish down the bread like a poor man’s panini.

Lastly, we have filling.  Please, do not fall into the trap of limiting yourself to cheese.  A Grilled Cheese is so much more than just melted cheese between bread.  You can add virtually anything to a Grilled Cheese.  Tomato and basil?  Yup.  Mustard?  Hell yes!  In fact, if you add nothing else, please consider a little brown mustard.  Apples or figs?  Why not?  Ham or turkey or bacon?  Please.  Apricot jam?  Trust me. In fact, I have a theory that you can mix any bread, any cheese, and any jam to make a spectacular Grilled Cheese.  Try it, you’ll like it.  Jam on a Grilled Cheese is like anal sex, if you can get past the cultural programming that says ‘ew, icky’, then you will find you might actually enjoy it.

Here are a few other combos you might want to try:

Swiss(or gruyere) and caramelized onions.

Blue cheese and figs.

Mozzarella, tomato and basil.

Pepper jack, avocado and salsa.

Brie, ham and sliced apple or pear.


5 Responses to “Sublime Gooey Goodness”

  1. Kasini February 18, 2011 at 11:43 am #

    Mayonnaise? MAYONNAISE? I don’t think I can bold a word in a comment, but if I could I’d say mayonnaise a third time in all caps bolded and italicized. MAYONNAISE?

    I think I just vomited a little.

    The rest of the post I agree with. Except for the jam thing. Though you anal sex analogy set me aback a moment and made me think that you have a point. Hmmm, perhaps I will allow you to make me a grilled cheese sandwich sometime. As long as you promise not to sneak mayonnaise and mustard in there. Or onions. Please no onions. Everything else is fine.

    And, damn, but Rye is my all time fave grilled cheese bread of all time. I once had a rye brie and pear grilled cheese sandwich. Heaven on a plate.

    • Myrddwn February 18, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

      Yes, mayonnaise. And I loathe, LOATHE mayonnaise. And dammit, why can’t we bold our loathing? There is a button for it, why does it not show up?
      However, a little mayo mixed in with the butter adds a creamy and yet crispy result to the bread. Try it.
      And if you can try jam, then you can try mustard or onions. Ham, swiss and a nice, grainy brown mustard… WOW
      I am so glad you understand the point I was making. Rye, brie and pear. THAT is exactly what I am talking about.
      Dammit Kasini, now I’m hungry again!

      • Kasini February 18, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

        I’m sorry. I just cannot let myself allow mayonnaise anywhere near a sandwich that will go anywhere near my mouth. On fetlife I’m even a member of a group called “Kinksters who hate mayonnaise and the kinksters who love them”.

        And onions UGH

        and mustard makes me puke.

        Haven’t we talked about my food issues?

  2. Bayani February 18, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

    Baby, you crack me up. We should try that rye/brie/pear combo. Or maybe Rye/Brie/Apricot. hmmmmmmmmm. *walks to kitchen and rifles through pantry*

  3. kurtkyre March 24, 2011 at 3:09 am #

    Here’s one I tried recently… put the butter on the inside, with the cheese, and other goodies… not much. just. enough. and then, brush olive oil on the outside. crispy. nommy.

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