Fanny

5 Feb

Friday was my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend. Next month is my fourteenth anniversary with my wife.

But it’s ok, my wife knows all about my girlfriend. Not only does she know, she approves. And they’ve met. You see, my wife is also dating someone. And her significant other happens to be, you guessed it, my girlfriend Fanny.

It’s called Polyamory. The idea is that we are capable of more than one romantic relationship at a time. Our particular brand of poly, when three people are mutually involved with each other, is called a Triad.

Interestingly, the poly community, which prides itself on being inclusive and non-judgmental, often hurls mockery and derision upon what they consider to be no more than a larval form of polyamory: Unicorn Hunters.

A Unicorn, for those of you who are wondering, is a mythical creature, so rare that few have ever even glimpsed one, let alone managed to catch one of the elusive creatures. I am not speaking of the horse with an oddly phallic horn sprouting form its head; I am speaking of a girl. Specifically the Hawt Bi-Sexual Girl so many MF Poly couples chase after. This much sought after and elusive creature must meet so many impossible criteria, those couples would have a better chance looking for a real unicorn.

And we have one.

We met when she answered our add on craigslist. Yes, craigslist, that den of desperation and depravity. If you ever want a laugh, head on over to the personals section and read a few of the adds in the MW4W section. You will see why it wasn’t difficult for a slightly articulate couple with even remotely reasonable expectations to shine like a diamond in a pile of horse dung. One of these days soon I will write a post defining Unicorn Hunters, and might just insert an add illustrating just how inarticulate they can be.

Now, Bayani and I have never had trouble with meeting girls. Whenever we decide it’s been too long since we shared a woman, we would put up an add somewhere, and usually have our pick from several interested girls. If I might brag for a moment, this is unheard of amongst Unicorn Hunters; on most sites couples out number bi-girls twenty to one. On poly friendly sites the numbers reach upwards of fifty to one. We aren’t really Unicorn Hunters, although I joke about it often. We don’t have a One Penis Policy, and we don’t insist she be Hawt, Young and Single. We just like MFF triads.

So last year I put up an add, and a few girls responded. One in particular caught my eye. Never before had a Unicorn stood out like this one. We didn’t catch her so much as she caught us.

The moment she walked into our sushi joint to meet for the fist time, I was smitten. She looked like a curvier version of Cameron Diaz. I love curves, and she has enough curves to make Botticelli weep(oh my gawd her boobs are spectacular!). And that smile! It lights up her entire face. To this day, when she flashes that grin I get all fluttery in my tummy.

She is smart and funny and quirky and perverted and- I could go on and on. And for some unknown reason, she still likes us. I think she sticks around because my wife is so awesome. Or maybe for the food(She REALLY likes my cooking, especially crepes for breakfast).

A year in a stable triad is unheard of. Do you have any idea how long that is in Unicorn years?

One of the difficulties we face in keeping a Unicorn is our marriage. Yeah, go figure, my marriage gets in the way of having a stable relationship with my girlfriend. No matter what happens, no matter how far we progress in our relationship with her, she will never be our equal. If I had the money to finish my basement, which would give us the square footage to allow her to move in, and even if she wanted to, she would never be on the same footing as my wife. I have kids with Bayani, and don’t want more. Fanny wants kids. In fact, I’ve been snipped, and could not give her the children she craves, even if I wanted to.

So she would have to move into our house, help raise our kids, and would always be aware that we are married, and she is the outsider. That is not fair to her.

Fanny is acutely aware that she is close to thirty. She wants kids, a partner and a house. She wants to keep us on the side, even when she settles down to start her own family. I’m fine with this, though I doubt it will happen.

Any day now, she is going to meet someone else to fall in love with. She is going to start her own family. And more than likely, this person will be threatened by us and we won’t get to play with her awesome boobs anymore. I will be sad, but I understand why it needs to happen. And if we tried to prevent it by forbidding her from seeing other people, she would leave us in a heartbeat. And she should.

Until that day, I will just enjoy her company and consider myself blessed. Some people can’t find even one partner, and I have two.

Unicorns, it seems, are not meant to be owned or caged. If you are lucky enough to find one, enjoy their magic while you can. And if you are magical enough, they might just stick around for a while.

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3 Responses to “Fanny”

  1. Kasini February 5, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    Those last couple paragraphs are part of why I like and respect you so much. Your realistic expectations. Your acknowlegement of the differing power dynamics. Your owning your own emotions. Your willingness to put her happiness and journey ahead of your own desires. You and Bayani are engaging in this relationship with love, honesty, and integrity, and that’s the best that we can do.

    • Myrddwn February 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm #

      Thank you.

      • Bayani February 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

        Thank you indeed. We care about her happiness, and I think that’s why we still get to be with her. I will likely be devastated if/when we lose her, but happy for her at the same time.

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