How We Met(Myrddwn and Kasini)

2 Feb

She was smart, and funny, and had great- um, eyes. We had a few classes together in high-school, and even worked together on a project in Anthropology. But she wasn’t interested in me.

She was the one who got away. Well, not really. She did get away, but she wasn’t the one. I did have a crush on her, but then I had a lot of crushes.

This one was named Kasini.

I have always had a thing for smart girls, even back then. And she was smart. And cute. But she was mormon and conservative and not interested in a liberal atheist like me.

I remember one instance, where we were speaking, and she asked me if I were a liberal or conservative. I honestly didn’t know at the time which was which, and said so. She asked me what I thought of gun control, and I said I favored it. I don’t like guns, and see no reason to allow the public to own them. She said dismissively, ‘oh, then you’re a liberal’, and walked away. She didn’t like my answer.

[Kasini’s note: I think that was when I was in the debate club, and if I couldn’t pick a fight with you and practice my skills then I was going to go look for someone I could spar with…]

I moved on. It wasn’t difficult. Like I said, I had a lot of crushes, I lusted after plenty of girls. I even managed to marry one of them. Yes, my dear Bayani was my high-school sweetheart. I moved on. Time passed, I forgot about the unpleasant awkwardness of my adolescence. From time to time, Bayani and I would reminisce about that time. Mostly we mocked our dorky friends. Bayani found out who my crushes were, and laughed. She knew most, if not all of those girls. She teased me once, ‘Kasini? You had a crush on her? Wow. You know, she liked you too, and you could have had her, if you bothered to ask.’

What?

Why didn’t anybody tell me?

Damn.

I moved on again, resigning myself to fantasies of the past. Then we discovered polyamory, and began hunting Unicorns. One day, I spied Kasini on Facebook. I don’t recall how I came across her profile, but I recognized her face immediately. I sent a Friend Request, which she ignored. I looked again at her profile, and WHAT? Kasini is GAY? Since when? And liberal? What? Wow, she changed since high-school. But she was ignoring my Friend Request, once again she wasn’t interested in me.

I moved on.

Again.

Then she found me on a dating sight. Yup, that was definitely Kasini. And what the hell was a gay woman doing hitting on me? And, and, and she didn’t know who I was. I laughed and replied. She was interested in me, and possibly my wife, but had no idea who I was. Turns out she wasn’t really that gay any more. She had learned that men weren’t really icky, and then discovered that she actually liked the cock. We had a high match percentage, so she thought she might give me a try. And if not, I had a cute bi poly wife so it might not be a total waste of time. Now, Bayani and I were dating Fanny at this time, and my profile states that we are off the market for the foreseeable future, but she approached me anyway. If she couldn’t get laid, at least I might provide interesting conversation.

[Kasini’s note: I think my eyes just rolled out of my head]

[[Myrddwn’s note: that was a direct quote from her opening message folks, if she couldn’t get laid, at least I might provide interesting conversation]]

[[[Kasini’s note: Really? Huh.  Well, then, my eyes are rolling at MYSELF.]]]

Huh. Suddenly Kasini was in my grasp. She was interested in me, and here I was with my hands full. But she might provide me with some interesting conversation.

So I told her who I was, and she freaked out. How I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when she read my reply!

[Kasini’s note: “freaked out?” raises eyebrow at you]

We started emailing back and forth, getting to know each other again, and for the first time. We were both new people now. I had learned a trade, I got married and had a family, I wrote a book, and had grown only slightly less dorky. She earned a few degrees, had become a raving lesbian, she got married and had a family, then swung back the other way to bi. And she had ripened nicely.

[Kasini’s note: ahem homoflexible, please]

And she never was a mormon. Or conservative. Why didn’t anybody tell me?

[Kasini’s note: why didn’t you ever actually ask the girl in question? To assume makes an ass out of YOU in front of ME. I was, in fact, a bleeding heart pagan who brought my tarot cards to school and helped my friends cast spells.]

[[Myrddwn’s note: What part of Raving Dork with Low Self Esteem don’t you understand? I could barely manage speak to you, let alone form a coherent thought!]]

[[[Kasini’s note: I didn’t KNOW you had low self esteem, I just thought you were too disinterested to talk to me.  Ah the price low self esteem exacts!]]]

We decided to meet. We had to meet. We had to see what each other had become. I suggested meeting for coffee. I know a great place in my neighborhood. Where did she live? Frighteningly close to me, it turns out. Close enough, in fact, that she went to the same coffee house.

So we met. We talked. We talked a lot. We started meeting every week, talking about our weeks, our families, writing, sex. Everything. But especially sex.

We decided that we both had rather unique points of view on sex, sexuality and relationships, and we both had decent writing skills. Creating a blog was inevitable.

The rest is history.

[And now history is history. Eventually Kasini and I became more than friends, and then it all ended. I’m still not entirely sure why. I have my suspicions, and I have what she told me-and the two are not entirely the same. Kasini withdrew from my life, and left this blog, causing all of her posts to show myself as the author. I have decided to continue writing on here without her, and have turned all her posts private. It’s just Bayani and I now. As she was one of my lovers, I have left some references to her, but not many.]

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12 Responses to “How We Met(Myrddwn and Kasini)”

  1. Kasini February 2, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    What project was it we worked together on? Was it the one where we were studying the Aztecs and sacrificed a member of the class, pushed her down the “pyramid” steps, and then served slivers of beef jerky to the rest of the class?

    That was my favorite project in all of high school. Funny I can’t remember if you were part of it…

    • Myrddwn February 2, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

      Yup, that was the one. And that was me. We made head-dresses for the different castes out of construction paper. It was one of my favorites as well.
      To this day, I still don’t know how I could not work up the nerve to ask you out…
      I also do not understand how you had so many memorable moments, many of which I seem to feature, yet you can never seem to remember if it was me or some other dorky guy? If I had tits you would have remembered…

      • Kasini February 4, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

        Don’t be too hard on yourself, Myrddwn. By the time I was in high school I had perfected the art of using my intelligence as a weapon and a wall. Combine that with a suspicion that most sorts of friendly overtures by people with y chromosomes were motivated by a wish to humiliate me, a stubborn obliviousness to any sort of innuedos or hints of attraction, as well as a level, piercing look that says, “back the fuck off you fucking fucker” and it’s a shocker that anyone was able to have crushes on me at all.

        My emotional defenses are formidable.

        To this day I’m able to keep an empty seat next to me on a crowded bus through the power of my glare.

        At least I hope it’s my glare. You’d tell me if I smelled bad, right?

      • Myrddwn February 4, 2011 at 2:13 pm #

        *snif snif*
        Mmm, I love the smell of trampy lesbians in the morning.
        Um, wait, no, um…
        You smell just fine to me. Please ignore me sniffing your hair when you aren’t looking.
        My buss-seat defense is to look like a homeless guy. Not too difficult, considering my unshaven, long-haired, still-stuck-in-the-grunge-era appearance.
        And my motivation back then had absolutely nothing to do with humiliation. It wasn’t even sex, I was a virgin and didn’t know what I was missing. I just wanted to be around you. So much for your ‘people with penises are evil and only want to violate you’ theory. Exposing you to Tori Amos may have helped you along the road to Raving Lesbian, but dating me back then would have likely pushed you most of the way back to straight. Not that I’m that awesome or anything, only because I would have made a completely non-threatening and safe male partner. BTW, I AM that awesome now.

      • Kasini February 4, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

        No. Dating you back then would not have pushed me most of the way back to straight. I hunger for women. I hungered for them back then, even when I didn’t want to pay too much attention to what that hollow hungry feeling was about. Oh the dreams I’d have! Men, and boys, had nothing to do with that desire.

        You would not have gotten far with me. For the same reasons you never got started.

        The interesting thing that I’ve discovered is that I NEED a masculine lover* to be slightly threatening. Someone just unsettling enough to push me past those walls I’m so good at building and maintaining. Someone calm, and patient, and dark, and just so slightly menacing. Not a “bad boy” or a “rebel”; I need to be able to respect their integrity and decency. Someone confident enough to take what they want, patient enough to wait for it to appear, sensitive enough to finesse the timing, and strong enough that I trust they can hold steady during storms. These things are slightly different from what I need in a feminine lover. But we’re not talking about what I look for in feminine lovers.

        But you go ahead with thinking you’re now awesome enough to fuck a lesbian straight, buddy. It can be our little joke…

        *”masculine” does not necessarily equal “male-bodied”.

      • Myrddwn February 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

        Oh, I never said I’d fuck you straight. I wouldn’t have ever tried to do more than kiss you back then. I didn’t know how to move beyond that. No, I postulated that a non-threatening, non-humiliating male would have been good for you.
        And I would never try to fuck a lesbian straight now either. I’m awesome, not arrogant or ignorant. And I realize that I am not what you need sexually. I’m what you need dorkally and coffeeally.
        And I make up words too.

      • Kasini February 4, 2011 at 3:34 pm #

        Your making up words is why I like you so much.

        That, and your hair.

        You have lovely pigtails.

  2. Bayani February 4, 2011 at 10:34 am #

    Just so everyone is clear, I had a tiny crush on Kasini in school too, but that was “wrong” so I tried to ignore it. I haven’t even told Myrddwn that. FYI.

    • Myrddwn February 4, 2011 at 10:46 am #

      Hiya Wifey! Welcome to the blog!

    • Kasini February 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm #

      REALLY? I was so impressed that you were a percussionist! Girl drummers are fucking hot!

  3. Bayani February 4, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    Ooooh! I love it when people think things I did which were “unladylike” are hot!

    • Kasini February 4, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

      oh yeah, I had a great deal of admiration for you. I’m *finally* learning to drum despite the fact that I’ve been pounding on things for years wishing I could be a drummer…
      Of course, that admiration didn’t mean I’d recognize your name years later when you sent a facebook friend request…

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