Fish Stories

17 Jan

Like most men, I enjoy occasionally bragging about my exploits in the bedroom. I don’t exaggerate, I don’t need to.

My best friend, in following with the Man Code, listens patiently as I recount my adventures. He knows it is his duty. When one Man has a threesome, or a particularly hot woman, etc, it is the duty of all other Men to listen as he brags and make appropriately appreciative grunting noises. Then we punch each other, drink a beer, and fix a car. (I am convinced that while we do this, our women are inside in sexy lingerie giving each other sensual massages, sometimes pillow fights break out, and they are always just on the verge of lesbian sex. Even the straight ones[please do not shatter my illusions])

So, this friend and I often meet for coffee at the very same shop Kasini and I frequent(is there something about the oddly painted walls or the freaky clientele that makes people to open up like this? Or perhaps they spike the coffee?). We talk about Dungeons and Dragons, politics and religion, comic book movies and other topics of great importance. We bitch about our wives. Mostly he bitches, I brag. Hell, why wouldn’t I? I have this awesome wife who enjoys doing things most other women would never consider trying. Bondage, anal sex, girl on girl. And these are not one-time-for-your-birthday things, these are she-likes-them-so-we-keep-doing-them things. I have more to brag about than just two girls at once.

Shortly after we bagged our first Unicorn, I was bragging, as was my Man right, and he was listening. He must have been a little bit jealous, for he said ‘Sex stories are like fish. Unless there are pictures, it didn’t happen.’ He laughed at his own wit, and thus encouraged, said ‘Look, I’m happy for you, I really am. But one time is nothing to brag about. You have a bisexual wife, great. Unless it happens three times, it’s a fluke. Now shuddup.’

Three times huh. I didn’t really give this much thought, until Abigail came over for the third time. Yup, three times. Not a fluke. I got myself a Slutty Hawt Bi Wife.

As the three of us lay there exhausted, I sent him a text.

So this Three Times Rule of his stuck with me. I kept track, with each and every Unicorn we bagged. Abigail, three times. Babette, only two. Damn, maybe the next one will up the average? Carlotta stuck around for a bit, for a total of seven threesomes. yup, upped the average. Three girls, twelve threesomes. I was a happy man. The next two girls were one nighters, dropping my average. Crap.

Then number Six came around. Fannie. We are still dating Fannie, almost a year later.

And I have lost count.

I genuinely have no idea how many threesomes I have had any more.

This has changed my view of ‘hawt’, I am sorry to say. I go to a party, and when a couple of drunken girls start making out and all the other guys run to watch, I just shrug. I am no longer obsessed with girl on girl action. Unless they are naked. I still rush to see boobs. I am actually a little bit saddened by loosing the ability to become so excited about girls kissing girls. It’s just not that magical, unreachable goal it once was.

I’m not sure this is a bad thing, now that I think about it.

Neither am I jaded and looking for the next exiting and dangerous thing to spice things up. We’ve talked with Fannie a few times about bringing another girl in for a foursome. I like the idea, and relish the challenge. Bayani and Fannie both think I can handle three girls at once. Bayani is not interested in MFM or MFMF, which is fine with me(note: I don’t reject the idea, it simply holds little interest, I would be willing if she wanted). No, I am happy with what we have right now.

I’m never going to have a large number to brag about(hell, at this point my wife has gotten more pussy than I have). I’m probably never going to bag a stripper, and I don’t think I want to. I don’t sleep around, I’m not into casual sex. In three years, we have only allowed six women into our bedroom. They have all been attractive, some hot, some HAWT.

And I have the pics to prove it.

But mostly, I like to brag about how awesome my wife is.


One Response to “Fish Stories”


  1. Well That Was Over Fast- Ooh Look More Cuties! « - January 16, 2012

    […] Fish Stories I talked about my curious habit of counting sexual instances, hoping for that magical third time. […]

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